I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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