what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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