If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
