genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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