is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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