so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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