I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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