I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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