ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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