Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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