Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize