..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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