I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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