i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well you can't waste a boner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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