i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
