My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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