I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
