you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
