Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
