"it" just moved
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize