I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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