I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
