no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
