good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
