just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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