he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
