Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
