six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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