This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
two words...techno handjob
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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