jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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