Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize