I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
