no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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