Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
