I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
