Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
