Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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