He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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