I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
