i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
