We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
