it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
