i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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