So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
