we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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