I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
