the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My balls are so social today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
