last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
