You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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