You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
