So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
