one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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