i think my tv is drunk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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