She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
