Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
