I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Never underestimate the power of titties
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