he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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