I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
